Harriette Cole: I want our vacation to be G-rated, and my son’s girlfriend is not

DEAR HARRIETTE My family and I are gearing up for our annual family vacation My oldest child is in a relationship and has been badgering me about wanting to bring his girlfriend Related Articles Harriette Cole Everyone in the restaurant was staring and my friend pretended she didn t know me Harriette Cole My tattletale co-worker keeps running to the boss Harriette Cole He s flaky and brooding but I can t stay away Harriette Cole I can t be happy when I m with my childless friends Harriette Cole I can t get over what my child reported about my drinking I would prefer not to bring her along on an intimate weeklong trip because I feel that her clothing can be rather revealing and she doesn t seem shy about PDA I have two much younger children and I don t think they need to be exposed to that on their summer getaway Besides I don t plan to pay for selected sort of couples trip while the rest of us are trying to catch up and bond I shared my stance with my son and explained that it s OK for various things to be family-only and he s now refusing to join us unless I extend an invitation to his girlfriend My son is already away at college so his younger siblings really cherish the time they spend with him on these vacations I m torn here Are my concerns unreasonable Vacation Ultimatum DEAR VACATION ULTIMATUM Your concerns are valid but you need to look at the big picture Talk to your son and his girlfriend if practicable Make it clear that she is welcome if she can dress and behave appropriately for a G-rated audience That means no skimpy clothing and no overt PDA Tell them that you get to set the parameters for the trip as it is your family trip If they are unwilling to comply she cannot come even if that means your family misses out on quality time DEAR HARRIETTE A sparse years ago my longtime best friend and I fell out We grew up together and are the godmothers of each other s children But like any long-term relationship we had our faults We shared different friend groups and if I m being honest there may have been instances where I felt competitive It sounds silly and it was but part of me envied how she was perceived especially in comparison with how I am sometimes perceived Oftentimes people describe me as cold or tough or see me as the less compassionate half of a duo There came a time where my jealousy was harder to hide Our friends began feeling tension and as a defense I began mistreating my best friend Though our children remain close she and I are not I eventually discovered the courage to admit to myself that I was jealous and wrong for mistreating my friend entirely because of my insecurities Frankly I now understand why people perceived me the way they did I want to apologize and I ve extended olive branches but she doesn t seem interested in rekindling our friendship Should I accept the consequences of my actions or is there something I can do to mend this Long-Lost Friend Related Articles Miss Manners My wife s habit makes me cringe After all these years should I say something Dear Abby She wants to dress my little girl in hot pants and sequins Asking Eric The party was in the yard but this one guest wouldn t leave my house Harriette Cole Everyone in the restaurant was staring and my friend pretended she didn t know me Miss Manners Is my husband right that my phone alarm is rude DEAR LONG-LOST FRIEND It is good that you have the clarity of mind to realize your mistakes as it relates to your friend While she may never choose to get close to you again you should make it clear to her what you have learned about your behavior Write her a letter documenting what a great friend she had been and how you took it out on her Sincerely express your shame at behaving in that way Ask for her forgiveness That s all you can do Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions toaskharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO