Harriette Cole: My 4-year-old’s day care meltdowns are a big problem

DEAR HARRIETTE My -year-old son absolutely hates going to day care Every morning is a struggle Related Articles Harriette Cole How can I get him to stop smoking around the kids Harriette Cole I crossed a line with my girlfriend How do I get her back Harriette Cole Is this how an entry-level job is supposed to feel Harriette Cole Is this a bad reason to homeschool my daughter Harriette Cole My sister won t call me back and I have no idea what s wrong He cries the moment he realizes it s time to go and clings to me when I try to drop him off It s not just a passing phase or a little separation anxiety this has been going on for months and nothing we do seems to help My husband and I have tried everything we can think of We ve had conversations with the day care teachers tried to create positive associations and even switched to a different day care center hoping a new surroundings might make a difference Unfortunately the same thing happened No matter where we go the reaction is the same The formidable part is that we don t have another option Both my husband and I need to work full-time jobs in order to stay financially stable and we don t have nearby family who can step in to help with child care I feel guilty every time I leave him crying and it s starting to take a toll on both of us emotionally Do you have any advice for how we can make this transition easier for him or how to know if this just isn t the right kind of habitat for our child Day Care Woes DEAR DAY CARE WOES I have two ideas First explain to your child that his work is day care just like your work is whatever it is Take him to your job one day and show him where you sit and what you do Then go to his day care and spend the day with him and have him show you what he does Each day after that you can wish each other a good day at work and review your day when you come home My second suggestion is to get a child psychologist to work with your son to help unpack whatever insecurities he is experiencing and potentially redirect or neutralize his fears DEAR HARRIETTE I feel like the go-to person in my life Friends family and colleagues know to ask me for favors because I am willing to help or am likely to say yes My question is When can I expect the same I used to think I did it because I enjoyed helping people but lately it feels a lot less enjoyable and more like I ve become a lackey I struggle to say no to leave conversations or places that don t serve me to set boundaries that preserve my peace and vitality I am beginning to feel taken advantage of by loved ones At a group event a couple of weeks ago I overheard a friend of mine telling people that I would be helping them build out various aspects of their business something we ve never discussed When I questioned them about it they explained they just figured I d be willing Related Articles Dear Abby Since she went no-contact I tell people I don t have a child Asking Eric Years later there s fallout from the drama of my missionary days Dear Abby Grandfather will boycott kid s graduation unless he gets VIP therapy Asking Eric What should my grandson know about his parents messy divorce Harriette Cole How can I get him to stop smoking around the kids How did I get here Too Helpful DEAR TOO HELPFUL You got there by perpetually saying yes Now it s time to stop When people ask you to do something you do not want to or have time to do say no It may be hard at first but you can do it That is much healthier than being overburdened or resentful Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO