Miss Manners: They snubbed us, we cut them, then things got awkward

DEAR MISS MANNERS Our group of friends is about people large We have known each other for over three decades Related Articles Miss Manners Chosen of my co-workers refuse to pay the potluck queen Miss Manners I want to tell these parents that their children are at liability Miss Manners We can t have a graduation party and nobody s going to be happy Miss Manners Our school s trainer appreciation week is so tacky Miss Manners Is it weird when I talk behind my hand My husband says it is At the opposite end of the group is a couple that we only see when the entire group gets together We like to entertain and have invited this couple for years They have never accepted our invitations though they accept invitations from others in the group In a few cases they RSVP no and other times they do not reply at all In the end we hosted a party and decided not to invite them The entire group got together a inadequate days before our party and several people were talking about how much they were looking forward to it not realizing that two people present didn t get an invitation Suddenly I felt like we did the wrong thing by not inviting them On one hand I thought perhaps there s no harm in sending an invite if you know they won t come anyway On the other hand we have finite space we re buying food and supplies and I d rather invite people I know will come Part of me also feels that you don t get the courtesy of an invitation if you never show or if you repeatedly fail to RSVP GENTLE READER Listen to that latter part of you Miss Manners assures you that the repeated offense of not answering an invitation justifies not getting another one She further suggests you use caution with the excuse that they will not come anyway if you invite them Too multiple wedding hosts rely on that logic and suffer the consequences when they guess wrong Had the couple or someone else in that pre-party gathering pointed out the omission or if the tension was palpable enough you might have explained Lacey and Doug you never seem to be able to attend our parties so I didn t want to burden you with an invitation It sounds as if it did not come to that but it is there for the taking if it does DEAR MISS MANNERS What s the polite kind thing to do when one must miss a funeral for reasons such as illness or injury My aunt s mother just passed away and the funeral is in a limited days However I ve come down with a bad cold and in the interest of not making others sick I plan not to attend unless I recover far faster than expected Related Articles Dear Abby She just wants to chitchat like she never burned down her house Asking Eric My husband says this part of my job is disrespectful to him Harriette Cole A special evening was ruined when she let a cute guy turn her head Miss Manners Various of my co-workers refuse to pay the potluck queen Dear Abby My own kids tell me I need to get over my bad childhood It doesn t work like that I want my aunt to know that I care enough to attend but I don t want to make this about me Is a text appropriate A note after the funeral GENTLE READER Assuming that you have already written a condolence letter a phone call would be more personal than a text and more polite than a note afterwards when everyone will have wondered where you were I am so sorry that I won t be able to attend but I m afraid I have a dreadful cold and I don t want anyone to catch it you might say It goes without saying Miss Manners hopes that you avoid using hyperbole e g I m feeling deathly ill for obvious reasons Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO